Monday, April 17, 2006

Endtime Adjuster on TV?

That old arch-nemesis of Fakie Agents and left-leaning millennialists, the Endtime Adjuster, has been discovered in the least likely of places. After not hearing from the fiend for many months, we thought we might have seen the last of the apocalyptic insurance salesman. But new intelligence has suggested that he might have been hiding, all this time, in plain view on a popular television game show.

Psycho-linguistic analysis of writing samples from this blog, compared with several dry cleaning receipts and one grocery bill recovered from the abandoned wreck of one the Adjuster's time machines indicates that the mysterious figure known as The Banker on the hit TV show "Deal or No Deal" may actually be the Endtime Adjuster.

Could this be our man?

What's worse, the scoundrel is up to his old tricks. Fakie intelligence has been able to gather, through a complex series of wiretaps and satellite signal shunts, that the Adjuster may be conspiring with host of "Deal or No Deal", Howie Mandel, to attempt to buy the souls of the show's contestants.

While appearing to communicate with Howie via cell phone to offer amounts of money to buy back the contestant's attache case, it appears that the Adjuster/Banker could actually be coaching Howie on just how much pressure to apply to get the contestant to buy an Endtime Insurance Package.

Here is an excerpt of one such intercepted communication:

Adjuster: I think this one (contestant) is ready to cave. Next commercial break, push the Endtime Nuclear Jump Suit and the Soul Non-Reclamation Clause.

Howie: I have no idea what you're talking about, but this is the best gig I've had in years, so Ok.

Howie may or may not be involved.

If our suspicions are correct, the Adjuster might make the bold move of trying to lure one of the Fakie Agents onto the show. We're activating an Anti-Rapture sleeper cell to infiltrate the studio audience and see if they can gain more information regarding the Adjuster's possible future moves. In the mean time, we're sifting through re-runs of the program to decode any hidden transmission that might have been made to other subversive elements such as the elusive Xister, Maskatron or Spirella.


Bathroom Hippo said...

Plant a fake audience. Cardboard cut-outs.

If he tries to steal their souls we'll spring into action! His monster-truck-like arch enemy will be waiting.

mgc said...

i love this stupid show!!!!

no deal howie!!

Anonymous said...

I think the T.V. station has got a fakie-agent. When you go to "the blog" and try to play the game, which probably tried to sell endtime insurance, you are sent back to the station home page. The game has been disabled. GOOD WORK - FAKIE AGENTS!

flatlander said...

We have so many Agents scattered about the globe that it's hard to keep track of all their movements and operations. That was actually Kil-Joy's job, but we've lost track of him too. But when something good happens somewhere, like the disabling of a suspicious blog, you can be sure we were behind it.

MGC--I used to like that show as well, until I learned the awful truth!

Hippo--You'll be at "The Rally" right?

Rick Anonymi said...

The sudden re-emergence of the Adjuster must be related to the King's strange dreams.

mgc said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bathroom Hippo said...

Yah I'll be at the rally.

eating a hot dog.

Gyrobo said...

He's walking on a pit of fire, you realize that. The letter "Z" will not go for long without his velvety brain, I heard. Sans the robots, quite contrary.

Michael said...

I like the girls on that show.

flatlander said...

Indeed, there are hot babes a-plenty; another sign that the Adjuster has a hand in the operation.