Sunday, July 15, 2007

Fireside Reflection

After setting ablaze 27 casks of biowaste from the Fakiegrind Cosmetic Surgery Institute, I sat me down in the staff lunch room to reflect on the twists and turns that life has taken of late for the internet's most established Devolutionary Skateboard/Sectret Agent blog.

The transplanting of our headquarters to a new, top-secret location has had the deisred effect of throwing our arch-foe, the Xister, and his ilk off our trail. Recent amendments to Australia's anti-time travel legislation, as well as the ongoing U.S. crack-down on rogue hypnotists also seems to have aided our cause.

Captain Canuck's dry cleaning bills continue to run Fakie expense accounts into the red, thus making impossible our securing a live internet connection at our new location. Also, geo-thermal drafts in the abandoned mine shaft currently housing our mainframe have made a wireless connection out of the question, and the cable company is still trying to find a drill that can cut through the adamantine-laced shell of our command centre's panic room.

Other than these few minor setbacks, Fakiegrind continues to stultify under the weight of its own lackluster legacy, and the staff soothsayer predicts that we will have completely repeated ourselves, verbatim, by the second fiscal quarter of the year 2019. This, however, will be a non-issue once our Context over Content promotional campain is implemented in early 2111.

Aside from our ongoing (and hitherto fruitless) search for the secret blog musings of the enigmatic Ms. Muffin, we here at Fakiegrind will continue to bide our time while waiting for the day foretold in the Book of Oldness when,

"The Heavens make an great clamour
like unto a riding lawnmower ready to expire
and discount vouchers for a major local vendor
of soft tacos will shower down upon the Earth

'Till then, Stay Old!

Friday, July 06, 2007

Walking the Dog

The kids at summer skateboard camp love the trick called "Walking the Dog". It's pretty easy but looks impressive, and it's not something many people learn nowadays. I have made it my private mission to revive this trick, and promote it as much as possible as Steeltown's mobile skateboard park moves from neighbourhood to neighbourhood every couple of weeks.

Last week, we were on the western edge of town, with the ramps set up inside of the local arena. For two days, no kids showed up (the park's presence doesn't seem to be advertised in any newspapers). My co-worker and I spent the time skateboarding and making posters to put up around the area. The floor of the arena is incredibly smooth, a lovely surface on which to ride. One push gets you all the way across the arena. It feels like skating on glass.

On the second day, there was a torrential rainstorm. Alex and I stood in the loading bay doorway of the arena and watched the water pour down out of the heavens. Within minutes, the eaves had backed up and water started spilling off the roof in thick cascades. When we returned to the interior of the arena, the drops falling on the arena roof made a deafening clatter.

By the third day, word started to spread and a few kids showed up to use the ramps. We have helmets that we lend out to them. They tear around the course, going off the ramps and landing on platforms -- stuff I no longer want to try to do for fear of falling. I largely stick to the flatground tricks. The vast expanse of the arena gives one lots of room to get a good line of three or four tricks in before having to turn around. The ramps only take up half of the area, so the other half is a flatlander's paradise.

For at least a half hour every day, I practice skating backwards. I can now do little ollies and a couple other tricks. It's like learning to skate all over again. Rodney Mullen still blows my mind.