High Noon at Fakie Ranch

"Remember, if you see the Endtime Adjuster, or any of Xister's posse,
shoot first and administer the Android Detection Test later!"

Fakiegrind How To

Construct a Snow Man on the Hottest Day of the Year!

It's darn tootin' hot, and if your air conditioner is on the fritz--or just non-existant like at Fakiegrind Central, then you will need to find creative ways to keep cool in these dog days of summer.


Why not defrost the ice box?


It could sure use it!


Carve yourself out a bowl of frosty slush, being ever-so-careful not to puncture the cooling tubes filled with freon gas that line the walls of your ice-box. Use the material thus gathered to mold...


Defrosty De Snoman! He has blueberry eyes and a rolled up coupon for a hat. I would have found more stuff with which to decorate him, but it was too darn hot to move!


Defrosty, a half hour later.


An hour later, and his blueberry eyes bob hauntingly in a new constellation.


Two hours later, and Defrosty has returned to primordial freezer ooze.


But the Great Northern Ice Shelf is cooling the kitchen while melting in the sink.

Stay (C)old!

Prototype Weapon

At the fakie central secret underground labs we are sometimes asked to build our own weapons of mass destruction. Doing this work of course means a one way ticket to Hell, but we are always ready to do evil in the name of good.

Latest weapon:
Countdown Crush

~~ you feel yourself forgetting now ~~
~~ you feel yourself thinking about obscure collectible Starwars™ figures ~~

Denture Adventure

I was walking down the street the other day
When I saw this gal coming my way.
She looked so fly, she looked so sweet--
Just the kind of girl I wanted to meet.
So I gave her a wink and I gave her a smile.
I hadn't seen a girl like that in a while.
She turned her head. I looked her in the eye.
She was so hot I just wanted to die.
I said, "Hey, how ya doin?"
She said "Ok."
I said, "Let's go for a walk, it's a beautiful day."
So she flashed a smile and to my great grief
She was wearing a pair
of plastic goofy teeth.
I guess I must have frowned
She said, "What's wrong?"
I said, "It's just your front teeth look a bit oblong."
She said, "You don't like my teeth?
I had them done the other day.
They look kinda dopey in a life-like way."
I said, "Yeah, I guess they do"
She said, "You should get a set!"
I said, "I'm not so sure."
She said, "You're all wet!"
So we went the the clinic
(It's beyond belief)
But I got myself fit
With a set of goofy teeth.
And everywhere we went
I wore them with pride.
I said, "Girl, I want to make you my bride."
Well, it wasn't long before we were engaged.
That girl and I will reach a ripe old age.
And whenever we smile
The people all say,
"They look life-like
in a dopey sort of way."

Signal Interferance

Please do not adjust your blog

Fly Catcher

Night Slug

This slug was making its way to the cat food dish, until it got sidetracked by a piece of cabbage.

We're sending it to the Bug Factory for analysis.