Tuesday, July 18, 2006

High Noon at Fakie Ranch

Example
"Remember, if you see the Endtime Adjuster, or any of Xister's posse,
shoot first and administer the Android Detection Test later!"

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Fakiegrind How To

Construct a Snow Man on the Hottest Day of the Year!



It's darn tootin' hot, and if your air conditioner is on the fritz--or just non-existant like at Fakiegrind Central, then you will need to find creative ways to keep cool in these dog days of summer.

Example
Why not defrost the ice box?

Example
It could sure use it!

Example
Carve yourself out a bowl of frosty slush, being ever-so-careful not to puncture the cooling tubes filled with freon gas that line the walls of your ice-box. Use the material thus gathered to mold...

Example
Defrosty De Snoman! He has blueberry eyes and a rolled up coupon for a hat. I would have found more stuff with which to decorate him, but it was too darn hot to move!

Example
Defrosty, a half hour later.

Example
An hour later, and his blueberry eyes bob hauntingly in a new constellation.

Example
Two hours later, and Defrosty has returned to primordial freezer ooze.

Example
But the Great Northern Ice Shelf is cooling the kitchen while melting in the sink.

Stay (C)old!

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Prototype Weapon

At the fakie central secret underground labs we are sometimes asked to build our own weapons of mass destruction. Doing this work of course means a one way ticket to Hell, but we are always ready to do evil in the name of good.

Latest weapon:
Countdown Crush

~~ you feel yourself forgetting now ~~
~~ you feel yourself thinking about obscure collectible Starwars™ figures ~~

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Denture Adventure

Example

I was walking down the street the other day
When I saw this gal coming my way.
She looked so fly, she looked so sweet--
Just the kind of girl I wanted to meet.
So I gave her a wink and I gave her a smile.
I hadn't seen a girl like that in a while.
She turned her head. I looked her in the eye.
She was so hot I just wanted to die.
I said, "Hey, how ya doin?"
She said "Ok."
I said, "Let's go for a walk, it's a beautiful day."
So she flashed a smile and to my great grief
She was wearing a pair
of plastic goofy teeth.
I guess I must have frowned
She said, "What's wrong?"
I said, "It's just your front teeth look a bit oblong."
She said, "You don't like my teeth?
I had them done the other day.
They look kinda dopey in a life-like way."
I said, "Yeah, I guess they do"
She said, "You should get a set!"
I said, "I'm not so sure."
She said, "You're all wet!"
So we went the the clinic
(It's beyond belief)
But I got myself fit
With a set of goofy teeth.
And everywhere we went
I wore them with pride.
I said, "Girl, I want to make you my bride."
Well, it wasn't long before we were engaged.
That girl and I will reach a ripe old age.
And whenever we smile
The people all say,
"They look life-like
in a dopey sort of way."

Monday, July 10, 2006

Signal Interferance

Example

Please do not adjust your blog

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Fly Catcher

Example

Night Slug

Example

This slug was making its way to the cat food dish, until it got sidetracked by a piece of cabbage.

We're sending it to the Bug Factory for analysis.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

I Have Stolen the Codes!

Happy T. Fluke here, photocopy repairman extraordinaire, ex-Fakiegrind administrator and part-time pirate of the timestream.

I just wanted to let people know that I have stolen the Access Codes to the Fakiegrind mainframe. Those doleful dullards at Dept. H may have captured Fakiegrind World Headquarters, appropriated my Pleasure Dome and de-activated my army of remote control photocopier machines, but I can still make my presence felt where it counts: on the pages of one of the most-read skateboard blogs in blogdom.

I also wanted to say that that last poem by Flatlander had all the lackluster tepidity of a sink full of last night's dishwater. Might I suggest a new hobby, like knitting tiny sweaters for your action figure collection? Oh, I almost forgot! I sold all your action figures on eBay during my stint as Administrator. Well, have fun dusting out the (now empty) Vaults of Oldness.

Example
Behold! The pilliaged Vaults.

Bwa Ha Ha Ha Ha!

(I'm not actually evil, it's just a distortion of my nature due to repeated exposure to photocopier radiation.)

Remember: if it's a good photocopier, it's gotta be a Fluke!