Saturday, March 10, 2007

Keep Your Eyes to the Event Horizon

Example

Transmitted at 17:49 Standard Fakie Time from Central Headquarters, just before it was transformed into a herd of grazing water buffalo.

"It seems unbelievable but true! Dr. Flavour's experimental new portable Black Hole Generator for home and office use is showing off-the-chart levels of anti-matter flux generation..."

"But Flavour left expicit instructions (before dissappearing into the Borneo forest on an extreme golfing expidition) NEVER to turn that thing on...it's just too unpredictable and the black hole generated could spell the end of Fakiegrind as we know it!"

"Is it my fault he made the thing look so much like a coffee maker? I thought I was turning on the morning brew."

"Well it looks like you've started an irreversible process that will see Fakiegrind central at the epicentre of what will likely be the universe's first artificially generated black hole!"

"Does that mean?"

"Possibly"

"But then..."

"Unlikely."

"And..."

"Yes, almost certainly."

"And so..."

"And so this may be the very last posting to escape the event parimeter, the fabled post described in the Book of Oldness as the Last Transmission!"

Example
Book of Oldness, archive photo

"Better make it count."

"We don't have long."

"We should set back the clocks."

"No time for that now!"

"But we'd gain an extra hour..."

"You need to study Paragraph 111.2-3356 of Subsection W of the Report on the Infalibility of Non-linear Synchonistic Dampening Protocols."

"Actually, I was just looking at that."

"And?"

"And there are several questionable inferences in the Third Argument. I was forced to fold it into an origami duck and set it alight."

"Under normal circumstances I'd nominate you for Agent of the Month, but right now we need to say something monumental and awe-inspiring to leave as a testament to the grandeur that was Fakiegrind."

"You know, we're running out of stir-sticks at the coffee station."

"Not that! Anything but that!"

"Captain! The event parimetre is unfolding at an exponential rate....we have only a few second left!"

"You know, this reminds me of the time..."

"Captain! If you have any profound words of wisdom to bestow before this blog impodes, now's the time..."

"Well, in that case, just let me say what a pleasure it has been to serve as Blog Commander of the digital anomoly hitherto known as Fakiegrind."

"Anything else?"

"Also, never carry an open can of sardines in your pocket. It will leak."

"But what about..."

"Oh yes, 0 is the new 4."

"Huh?"

"Wow, check out the colours!"

Example

"Time/space is folding on itself! Any final comments?"

"yEs iNdeeD. oNe laSt tHiNg.....

sTaY oLd!

11 comments:

Andrew said...

March is already a bad month for black holes, even without people makin' 'em!!! Yeesh! A most fortuitous 4D regurgitation to you both...

jin said...

*jin decides rather quickly to jump headfirst into the black hole...but before she does, she scribbles out her will*

I jin, of [almost]sound mind, hereby bequeath all of my possessions in this uncaring, cruel & unkind world, to none other than Fakiegrind inc. & it's [alien-like]employees & various secret agents, the sum of which is One-thousand-sixty-five & a half stir-sticks for your coffee station.

Andrew said...

..and to you jin.

Gyrobo said...

Head toward the light!

But not if it's orange. That would indicate hydrogen.

Bathroom Hippo said...


I took a shower and I still stink.

Welcome back buddy.

Gyrobo said...

Actually, I think this post is Flatlander's way of saying good-bye.

Sans the flaming Viking barge.

Michael said...

This cant be the end. NO WAY! There is no world peace. No revealing of secret identies or no spring skate boarding.

flatlander said...

Don't worry, the Fakiegrind Spring Skateboard Annual is currently in the works. I've just been busy co-ordinating the Skateboard Around the World for the Abolishment of Global Warming marathon. Watch for it on CNN in coming weeks, then write to your local Free Masonry Lodge and ask for Spidermite 386. They'll know what you're talking about...

flatlander said...

Word verification:

npoxhusk

good thing I got vaccinated!!

Gyrobo said...

Oh, phew!

*wipes forhead with filthy handkerchief*

That was a close- awwww, my head is covered with grime!

jin said...

EEK! Another disappearing post!
(So said my feedreader...but I accidentally deleted it :-S)

*jin briefly wonders if she imagined it or not.....*

No...I'm SURE I read something about moving...& a month away...

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
I hate missing stuff.
*POUT*