Thursday, November 02, 2006


Yes, I've overdosed on sugary treats again this Halloween, but we're getting down to the bubble gum and suckers, so the ordeal is almost over. I think a good way to fight the ongoing war against terror, rather than bombing or difficult ground maneuvers, would be simply to airdrop tonnes of cheap candy in the areas suspected of housing terrorists. Once the sugar high had worn off, the foes would feel drowsy and apathetic, and the forces of liberation could just move in and ship everyone off to Syrian detention camps.

Tanks and cannons could be re-outfitted to fire volleys of candy bars, and machine guns could be modified to spit jaw-breakers and gum. The resistance would counter by establishing confectionery aversion training camps, where operatives would be schooled on the dangers inherent in "riding the white dragon" of sugar addiction. Dentists would replace paramedics in field hospitals, and modern warfare would enter an era where foodstuffs replaced firearms as the weapon of choice.

This vision brought to you by the Cadbury, Nestle and Kraft corps.

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