Saturday, January 28, 2006


Yesterday, all available Fakie Agents, as well as a deployment of RCMP officers, a legion of local militia and a mob of angry Liberal supporters did a sweep of the city in search of the nefarious time-traveling hypnotist, Xister.

We managed to discover and apprehend:

23 Crystal Menth Cookers
14 Bathtub Hooch Runners
39 Puppy Mill Operators
14 Unlicensed Snake Charmers
8 Panda Smugglers
22 Counterfeit Art Dealers
18, 739 MP3 Music File Pirates
12 Alchemists
4 Sleeper-Cell Republicans
2 Crooked Car Mechanics
And a group of 17 war veterans at an east-end McDonalds
who thought that WWII was still "sorting itself out".

Unfortunately, due to a lack of proper search warrants, all but the 18, 739 MP3 pirates had to be released from custody soon after their incarceration. However, Fakiegrind is happy to have made a small dent in the population of musical freeloaders, making the world that much safer for the record companies and their never-ending quest to bring you quality entertainment at reasonably inflated prices.

Can you spot the Republican?

Despite our thorough sweep of the city, the Xister seems to have slipped through our dragnet, and remains at large. We suspect him to be sequestered in some kind of spiderhole or raccoon warren, so we're bringing in the X-ray vision specialist, Dr. Theopolis.

We will keep readers posted on all further developments.


Captain Canuck said...

Hey guys! Why didn't you tell me about all this? Nothing I love more than a good dragnet....well, maybe the first season DVD of Corner Gas, a nice cabernet, and some quality time with Capitaine Kebec, but other than that, a dragnet takes the cake!

Gyrobo said...

#3, obviously. The short sleeved shirt is a dead giveaway.

Hmm... Xister can travel through time? No wonder Evil Bob Dole retured to life as King Evil Robo-Bob Dole... Xister must've saved him at the exact moment he should've been imploded!

All the pieces are starting to form an adhesive pattern.

Bhakti said...

I have to disagree with Gyrobo. My take is that the Republican is sporting the Magnum PI mustache and the horribly brown, brown suit. #2 is definitely the Republican.

flatlander said...

Suspects 1 through 4 are actually all part of the Republican sleeper cell. We found them holed up in a low-rise rental, discussing ways to spend all those softwood lumber tarrifs.

No. 5 was suspected of being a Scientologist, but was subsequently cleared of all charges after a simple personality test.

Gyrobo said...

Of course! The beard!