Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Down Time

While skateboarding this summer, I repeatedly hyper-extended one of my big toes. This, in turn, pulled or tore a tendon on the instep of my foot that has been sore for months now. This is what the little sports doctor in my head says. The voodoo witch doctor in my head says I have an evil spirit trapped in my foot, and I should do a special dance every night before going to bed. He also says I need to find my animal spirit guide to lead me to the Healing Crystal Lake wherein the Submarine of Renewal will take me to the lost city of Atlantis and their famous Video Arcades of Endlessness.

I also have a sizable bump on my shin bone from where I bruised it at the Bease Skate Jam. At least that's what the little Flatlander in my head says. The Peyote Scarfing Wolfchild in my head says that the bump is caused by the evil spirit in my foot knocking his head against the inside of my leg. He suggests that I go on a vision quest to find a Computer that Floats on the Water, whereat I will begin the Blog to End all Blogging, bringing on the Great Tribulation where all Spam Commentators will be banished forever to the Outer Void and renegade internet journalists will unite to destroy the Red Beast of Br'aggglzzd definitively, forever.

Yesterday I tried to skateboard again on the sidewalk outside my house. I did two 360s, then spun right off the curb, at which point the board jumped up and cut a gash into my upper leg. It is now a long, raw patch flanked by bruised flesh, and I am reminded of the makeshift womb that Zeus cut into his thigh to house the prematurely born Dionysus. I am also reminded of the Tuan-taun that Han Solo sliced open to save Luke from freezing in the frigid wastes of Hoth; but, on second thought, I bear no resemblance to a Taun-taun. So I guess I am mostly reminded of Zeus. But then the little witch doctor in my head tells me to stop being rediculous--there is no way I am gestating any sort of divine being in my upper leg. Well, I supose he would know, but it's nice to fantasize.

Just a flesh womb.

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