Monday, November 27, 2006

New Book of Oldness?

The original Book of Oldness was lost when Maskatron infiltrated Fakie Headquarters last summer (just after Happy T. Fluke made short work of clearing out the Upper Vaults of Oldness). Not wanting to create a global uproar, I kept information regarding the missing book secret these past months, but was unable to stave off the collapse of several small South American republics whose political regimes depended on certain eldritch tracts of the Book of Oldness for their continued existence.

Example

This past week-end, whilst clearing out one of the antique Filing Cabinets of Inescapable Doom, I came across this curious tome, the covers of which are inscribed by certain obscure runes, pictograms and primitive designs. Reading through as many pages as I could manage before the information and insinuations contained therein threatened to usurp the shining beacon of reason that guides us forever onward and make my mind the prisoner of some nameless, slithering beast from the pre-historic mists of evolutionary time when vertebrae were just the wet dream of an upstart amoeba, I came across this curious poem or spell, which might as well serve as a preface to the entire work in all its curious and captivating splendor:

Vomit of moon
Tumor of trees
Comet pills warding off
Skyward disease
Cryptic pitch
Septic itch
Wreckage from
Roadside ditch
Bottom feeder
Tops the charts
Riddled rhymes
Rebel arts
Book of Oldness
New like dawn
Regal dreams
Awake the pawn


I have no idea what these strange lines might mean, and I'm reluctant to publish more of this book in these digital pages for fear of what arcane powers may be unlocked by the uttering of the twisted syllables contained therein. I will continue to study the nigh-illegible script and odd, unsettling pictures of this tome and report back with any headway I make as to their possible references.

Example

5 comments:

jin said...

Ummm...I read that verse out loud & now there's a Dark Lord hovering over my keyboard.
What should I do?

flatlander said...

Oh oh! You'd better cast this Dark Lord warding spell, and quick!

Pee Wee's bike
Bionic Eye
King of Cartoons
To me fly
Miss Yvonne
Chairy too
Take the Dark Lord
To the Zoo!

Anonymous said...


FDR's coming back from the dEAD!!!

Or I just miss my first movie.

Andrew said...

These eldritch tomes can bring either great torment, or greatness, then great torment. Only the lucky can escape unscrooched....

Gyrobo said...

I was about to say exactly what Jin said, before I clicked the comments section.

You have some strange commenters, you know. At least that's what I told Abraham Lincoln before he died. I was all, "a hundred and forty years from now, a Canadian skateboard and turntable enthusiast will have strange commenters on his blog!"

To which Lincoln replied, "Pffft, whatever, man."