Saturday, December 03, 2005

Android Detection Methods

The guys at Special Ops have been working on an improved android detection test to help ferret out Maskatron. What they suggest is to carry a powerful magnet in your pocket. If you see someone you suspect of being an android, hold the magnet next to their head. If the person is a human, he or she will possibly berate you and call you crazy, but if it's an android, it will start to look confused and then sing the lyrics to several Cindy Lauper songs backwards. At this point you should call in the professionals and let trained robot disposal crews take care of things.

However, if you either can't get a hold of a magnet, or need a more subtle approach, try slipping the following multiple-choice questions into casual conversation.


Your favourite music is:

a. 70's Rock

b. New Country

c. Kraftwerk



As a child, the profession you most wanted to be when you "grew up" was:

a. Architect

b. Food Service Industry Worker

c. Robot Assassin



Most of your friends are:

a. Highly paid professionals

b. Slacker lay-abouts

c. Household appliances




You feel happiest when:

a. Gardening

b. Driving really fast

c. Computing large numbers in your head



When changing channels on your TV, you are most likely to use:

a. The remote

b. The manual controls

c. Your universal "ear antenna"


If the subject answers "a" to three or more of these questions, chances are they are normal, productive members of society; if their answers tend towards "c" you are likely talking to a Fakie Agent; but if the subject's answers tend towards "b" you should certainly be calling Robot Control and ducking for cover!

8 comments:

Gyrobo said...

It's like I always say, if you can't take the heat, buy a pony.

After seeing that picture of Shredder being attacked by your cat, I had a sudden thought- was that action figure sold with a shirt?!

I only ask because I also had a Shredder action figure once, and I don't remember it having clothes either. Weird.

Bhakti said...

GET THAT MAGNET AWAY FROM MY HEAD!!!!! I HAVE BIONICALS IN MY NECK, FOR CRYING OUT L--

!!nuf evah ot tnaw tsuj slriG

!!!gnihtyreve segnahc yenoM

...pob ew dna pob eh,pob ehS

Roboshrub Incorporated said...

I think you meant "b" is a Fakiegrind agent and "c" is an android. Then again, I could be mistaken.

PS: Not all androids enjoy kraftwerk/New Country, and I find that insinuation degrading.

Gyrobo said...

No, I think he did it that way to be ironic. And it's working!

Also, if anyone wants to use my official "Backwards Writer", I'll be posting a link to it soon, along with links to other web programs I made.

Science rules!

flatlander said...

Ah irony! The last bastion of the disenfranchised blogart.

Ha ha! But my New Country comment did draw at least one robot/fern out of the Regeneration Chamber/broom closet.

Not the one we're looking for, though, I'm afraid. The killer robot we're searching out has one human hand and either one hydralic pincer or a suction cup on a tube.

Don't ask what he uses the suction cup for, because I don't want to know.

!itkaB ,tnalpmi ruoy htiw ssem ot yrroS.

flatlander said...

Gyro-bro,

I recently rescuted Shredder from the Goodwill Garbage Pits of Doom, so I don't know if he had a shirt originally. I don't think so, though.

Looks like he had some kind of cape

Gyrobo said...

I distinctly remember a cape. Velvety.

Also, for future backwards writing, feel free to use the Backwards Writer I just posted over at Roboshrub Inc.

Bhakti said...

meest'nac I...melborp oN
!!!eromyna sdrawrof etirw ot