Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Look Out Coily, it's....


Startling new information has surfaced that greatly increases our knowledge about that bipedal, pyramid-jumping nose-without-a-face, Q*bert. The following was gleaned from a recently unearthed
instruction manual:

1. He is given to bouts of foul language.

"When the red ball starts rolling, get Q*bert out of its path or it will squash him! If this happens, the swear bubble lights up..."

#%*@" swear bubble?! Does Q*bert have an anger management problem? Could it be his lack of arms? Or perhaps it's due to the company he keeps:

2. He shares the pyramid with a character named Sam.


"Even though Sam can't catch Q*bert, he's still a very crafty fellow.
He changes the cubes' colors back again so Q*bert's got to
retrace his steps."

How counterproductive! Sam needs to get on-task and assist his fellow pod-hopper in pushing the margins of pyramidical dividend returns.

3. Coily is dangerous.


"He's the snake with the perilous pounce!"

(We already knew that, but the alliteration was irresistible)

Despite these findings, Q*bert is still a rather mystifying fellow.
What drives him, for instance, to compulsively hop all over
pyramids? Maybe he was an Egyptian Pharaoh in a past life.


Fakie Agents have managed to secure rare photos of Q*Bert's
feeding behaviour. Here he appears to be raiding the pantry
of the Burgertime chef:


While previous studies have shown that he reproduces via parthenogenesis, it appears that Boz Schnoz may be actively
courting Strawberry Shortcake.


And here we have irrefutable evidence of Q*bert's assisting
NORAD in helping defend the Earth from the encroachment
of hostile Beings from Space:


But then there is this chilling photo of the Bitmap Biped
apparently using his prodigious proboscis against the
hapless citizens of the freedom loving world:


Could Q*bert have turned to evil, or is this some kind of plot
on the part of Coily to sully his arch-foe's reputation?

Fakie Agents are working on the story and will report back with
any further findings.


Bhakti said...

Q-Bert...I'm having flashbacks of the 1970s, but I don't remember why I know about Q-bert. Space Invaders was my all-time favorite video game as a child, and I used to spend a lot of my vacation time down at the Jersey shore playing it, but I don't remember where I know Q-bert from. Was that an Atari game??

Was Q-bert really dating Strawberry Shortcake?

Is it true that Q-bert killed Jamie Sommers?

Bentley the Bear said...

Q-Bert is just a poor man's Crystal Castle.

Cube Art said...

Q*bert didn't kill Jamie Sommers, he only sneezed on her with a Bitmap Virus that turned her into a living video game character.

Gyrobo said...

How did you make that last one? That's just good photo editing.

Happy December, fellow bloggers!

Luke said...

Nice little thing ya got going here.

Thanks for the pep talk, too.

flatlander said...

Photoshop?! Agent Rock-Steady risked being turned into a Living Video Game by Q*bert's deadly proboscis to obtain that photo!

Fakiegrind does not use photo-retouching processes in our journalism; only good ol' fashioned intrepid-ness.

(Ok, sometimes we use the ol' airbrush to touch up the wrinkles on our avatars--which, strangely, seem to age while our Agents retain their youthful vigor. Weird eh?

Oh well, back to life replication chamber.

Rock-steady said...

I will have you all know, that after all that work, I didnt even get the girl's phone number. But hey, the life of an agent, eh?

Gyrobo said...

As is Canadian tradition, I think you are obliged to eventually post something in French.

flatlander said...


Moi, j'aime á nourrir les castors le sirop d'érable.


"Me, I like to feed the beavers maple syrup."

So, like, there you go, eh!

Michael said...


flatlander said...

I make no claim for my tranlation abilities.

It's probably more like:

J'aime á nourrir les castors avec le syrop d'érable.

And I guess it's "eh?" not "eh!" eh?

Wendi said...

It's definatly Coily who's behind the murder! Q*Bert may have a foul mouth, but not THAT foul! Besides, look at how big he is! Obviously, this is a cruel Coily creation!

Nice work on the Eygeption Q*Bert! That should be made into a real game! Pyramids, snakes...doens't it all fit together?