Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Look Out Coily, it's....
Startling new information has surfaced that greatly increases our knowledge about that bipedal, pyramid-jumping nose-without-a-face, Q*bert. The following was gleaned from a recently unearthed
1. He is given to bouts of foul language.
"When the red ball starts rolling, get Q*bert out of its path or it will squash him! If this happens, the swear bubble lights up..."
#%*@" swear bubble?! Does Q*bert have an anger management problem? Could it be his lack of arms? Or perhaps it's due to the company he keeps:
2. He shares the pyramid with a character named Sam.
"Even though Sam can't catch Q*bert, he's still a very crafty fellow.
He changes the cubes' colors back again so Q*bert's got to
retrace his steps."
How counterproductive! Sam needs to get on-task and assist his fellow pod-hopper in pushing the margins of pyramidical dividend returns.
3. Coily is dangerous.
"He's the snake with the perilous pounce!"
(We already knew that, but the alliteration was irresistible)
Despite these findings, Q*bert is still a rather mystifying fellow.
What drives him, for instance, to compulsively hop all over
pyramids? Maybe he was an Egyptian Pharaoh in a past life.
Fakie Agents have managed to secure rare photos of Q*Bert's
feeding behaviour. Here he appears to be raiding the pantry
of the Burgertime chef:
While previous studies have shown that he reproduces via parthenogenesis, it appears that Boz Schnoz may be actively
courting Strawberry Shortcake.
And here we have irrefutable evidence of Q*bert's assisting
NORAD in helping defend the Earth from the encroachment
of hostile Beings from Space:
But then there is this chilling photo of the Bitmap Biped
apparently using his prodigious proboscis against the
hapless citizens of the freedom loving world:
Could Q*bert have turned to evil, or is this some kind of plot
on the part of Coily to sully his arch-foe's reputation?
Fakie Agents are working on the story and will report back with
any further findings.