Monday, November 21, 2005

The End of the Blog as We Know It

I heard on the radio today that we could be entering the sixth great extinction period that the planet has known--the last one since the end of the age of the dinosaurs. The difference between this moment in history and the five extinctions that have proceeded it is that, as the dominant form of life on Earth, we humans could make a difference and possibly help reverse the process of devolution.

In light of these possibilities, Fakiegrind will take some time off to reconsider its mandate, meditate on the best way to proceed with whatever time is left, and turn off lights in an effort to conserve energy. The Danceark project will need to be completed; we're still looking for living practitioners of the Pee-Wee Herman, The Charlston Slouch, The Astro-Twist and the Twisted Sister. Also, the Mix Tape Time Capsule project still needs a few vintage homemade music mixes before we bury the titanium box for posterity.

What else? Oh yes; we're all immortal. I learned this from a wandering shaman the other day. We've all been here for ever and ever and we always will be. At least that's what this fellow told me before asking to borrow five dollars. Also, people will tell you that action figures are worth more if you keep them in their packages--but the market is actually flooded, and at the end of the world you're going to wish you opened those toys, and played with them a little, instead of hanging them all on your wall like some kind of hardcore collector geek.

Well, I guess that's it. 5400 "Thank You"s to everyone who dropped by. A special thanks to all the Fakie Agents for their comments and contributions. I'd also like to thank the Academy of Unemployed Bloggers for giving me the opportunity to spout my mad ravings to the masses. And thanks to my parents for reading each morning, even before they opened the newspaper.

Well then, as Stan (The Man) Lee said,

'Nuf Said

(oh yeah, and stay old!)



flatlander said...

Some of you might be asking, "Why quit now, just when the blog was getting good?"

I admit to having had some further postings planned. For instance, I was hoping to trap the Endtime Adjuster in a specially designed I-Pod and carry him around like my own personal Geni.

However, this post marks the 365th entry of the blog--that's one for each day of the year--and it seemed like a numerologically sound point at which to stop. Astute readers will note that the Cold Cases only reach back for nine months (the statistically average blog gestation peroid, as chance would have it). However, so fervent was my desire to communicate, that I often published two or even three postings a day.

This frenetic writing schedule will now allow me to start my early retirement three months earlier than I had anticipated--which is good, because if I was here typing away on blogger for another three months I would go stark raving mad, making the Endtime Adjuster look like a positive saint.

So, to curtail an already too long comment, that is the reason for the unheralded and rather abrupt end of the Fakiegrind transmission.

Peace out!

L>T said...

it's a good thing to know when to Quite.
Lots of luck for you in life!!!

Roboshrub Incorporated said...

We'll miss you, Flatlander. Your ever-youthfully minded pearls of retro wisdom will stay with us for all time. Or, at least, until we run out of fuel and all of our computers lose power, and we die from exhaustion of resources.

PS: You're still missing another .25 posts for an astrologically correct blog. Can't forget leap years!

Bhakti said...

I'm almost in tears! I actually found another blog that I love to read!!


Will you still stop by on OUR blogs and post your interesting comments and commentary??

You will be missed.

Enjoy your retirement.


p.s. I hope this is some kind of sick joke...let me check my calendar...nope, it's not April Fool's day...hhhmmmm *scratching my head*...

Bhakti said...

Wait...I just read that one of your interests is Bionic Implants! Surely you can't leave me now...what with my bionic neck, and everything!

What does Ms. Muffin say about this blasphemy???


I'm takin' you to The People's Court! We'll see what Judge Judy has to say about this!!!!

flatlander said...

Yes, I wish I could afford more bionic implants. It's a little addictive, like tatoos. The say beauty is on the inside, and I agree!

Look, I don't want any trouble with Judge Judy; she's a tough cookie! I'll re-think the whole blog shut-down thing. The domain name is, however, for sale (50 bil. starting bid, but I'm willing to negotiate).

I'm thinking maybe of going on blogstrike for a good cause, like not posting again until they bring back the Ren and Stimpy show.

Whatever happens, I have yet to open the doomsday envelope with the directions on how to use the "delete blog" button. The site will be up and running for some time yet.

Michael said...

Dont call it a blog strike. Lets call it a blog fast. Fasting always brings renewal.

Bhakti said... can FAST...which implies that you will come back, better than ever.

Perhaps you could have guest bloggers. I would volunteer, but then I would have to find someone to guest blog on my blog and I can just see it now, the never ending snow-ball effect.