Thursday, October 20, 2005

Gathering 'Round the Turntables

Example

As a child, I remember when my siblings and I used to gather around my aunt's record player and listen to such classic songs as "Ye Olde Gaytes of Heaven" and "Repent! Lest Ye Be Lost to the Lower Flames". Those were righteous times.

Then one day, my aunts started getting all gangsta. Suddenly the record player had to be called "turntables", and they brought in a second one, and some kind of box with wires and dials.

Aunt Therma would say to me, "Bobby, it's time to bust the wax! Let's drop some beats and rejoice most vigorously, dog." We didn't know what Therma was talking about most of the time, but we humoured her. Aunt Louise would do this thing with her mouth, making strange percussive noises, and my brothers and sister and I would sing one of the old standards while Therma would insert little snippets from other records into the mix with the turntables.

We didn't realize it at the time, but what we were witnessing was the birth of a whole new form of musical expression. Therma would mix "The Old Rugged Cross" with "Sweet Jesus, Saviour of All", and the two would blend so perfectly into one song, you couldn't help but to get up and start clapping your hands to the rhythm.

One day, Therma had a young fellow from across the tracks over for tea. His name was Grandmaster Flash, and I think he watched very closely what my aunts were up to, because within a few months, kids started having these neighbourhood parties where they used the same mixing and scratching techniques, only with disco and R&B records.

Later, when the phenomenon went global, Flash claimed to have invented these processes, but I will always know it was my aunt Therma who gave birth to the whole hip hop thing that is so fashionable with the young heathens of today.

9 comments:

Michael said...

Grand Master Flash!?!?
That is impressive! Your Aunt rocks like Granite!

em said...

I remember when Beethoven came to my house... and he claimed he was deaf! All I know is I should have written all that music down so I could reveal his biting ways.

Gyrobo said...

Beethoven wasn't deaf. He just wanted people to think he was. It was a tax thing. Trust me- I'm a historian.

Gyrobo said...

As to your offer to become part of Fakiegrind, I don't know. I've already got three blogs. I've only got so much creativity...

But my good friend Roboshrub Incorporated only has one blog. Send him an invite. Roboshrub, if you're out there, tell him your e-mail address! I could, but that would violate doctor-patient confidentiality.

Roboshrub Incorporated said...

Yeah, but I have even less creativity and spare time than you, as it is drained away by the machine. The.... the routine machine.

Besides, we both know I never finish anything I start...

Gyrobo said...

Then why did you ask to join in the first place?!?

--==/ So sayeth the robot \==--

flatlander said...

That's ok. Though Fakiegrind has an impressive list of celebrity contributors, they don't actually make many postings. But we appreciate all input and feedback, even from that ol' crackpot, the Endtime Adjuster.

Roboshrub Incorporated said...

Well, feedback we will continue to do. Yes, yes, we shall.

Adjuster said...

Yes indeed, feedback you shall have...and then some!

Just as soon as I put the finishing touches on my new, improved Endtime Spambots with Word Verification Capability, you shall have much more feedback than you might care to encounter.

(Evil laugh goes here)