Thursday, October 12, 2006

Introducing: DJ Thing


Yo! I got like the deffest DJ in the known like multiverse! But he like creeps out a lot of peeps out y'know? Cuz he like got no body, dig? Not like nobody--cuz he got fans from here to Kazakstan dawg, but no body cuz like he's lacking in corporeal substitance, dig? Let me break it down for you dawg: my DJ he like a hand--and that's it! Howz he hover over the turntables like that? I dunno. But he, like, cuts the beats in half the halftime y'all. He's the fastest cut-creator on the cross fader and when he attacks the wax he be goin' off like smoke stacks. Yeah, I'm talking bout DJ Thing on the wheels of steel, rocking the real deal with no cards to conceal cuz he ain't got no sleeves to hide no bling--shaawing!

So pump the base and rock the place, cause DJ Thing be 'goin' off like he's from outer space. But he ain't, cuz we picked him up in L.A. --'nother out of work TV actor, dig? Yo dawg, it ain't easy--like a jungle out there, makes me wonder how I keep from going under....but you heard that, so it's a big peace out to blogland. Keep the party goin' on, know what I'm sayin?


Bathroom Hippo said...

Oh I know what you're sayin'.

What you're trying to tell us is that a nation cannot exist unless it secures its borders.

Unless I was mistaken?

flatlander said...

Yo, hippo!

I finally got that "Thing" u sent me...

Roboshrub Incorporated said...

I'd like to request "The Denial Twist" by The White Stripes, thanks.

flatlander said...

Hmmm....don't have that one in the collection.

I do have "Dental Risk" by the Candy Stripers.

Now, those gals knew a thing or two about bridge work!

Bathroom Hippo said...

Yah...that DJ I sent you was pretty handy.

After being fired from a major television role he started drinking....

errr....wait a second that doesn't make sense...

Anyway so I sent him over here.

flatlander said...

Surprisingly, DJ Thing is quite a drinker...though he's sworn off the sauce and now limits himself to various fruit juices and seltzers. He drinks in the manner of Mork from Mork and Mindy--that is, through the first finger.

Where he holds all that fluid I don't know; Overseer Q suggests that he may have a bladder concealed in his third digit. One thing is certain: he's complex on the decks; smooth as butter making suckers stutter

D-D-D-D-DJ Th-th-th-th-thing's one bad m-m-mother!

Andrew said...

Years ago, I sold some fake 'roaches to the New Addams Family show, and though I tried, I couldn't even glimpse a digit of that crazy hand...

Glad to see he got da beats goin'.

jin said...

Your post made me hop
dance so I couldn't stop
right in my shoppe!

Turned around too quick
on that last guitar lick
nearly made myself sick!

I knocked over my monitor.
Is that what you call
Are you insured?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...


Or more correctly: Rock on!

flatlander said...

Andrew, I'm sure Thing was there--but he's fast! Gives new meaning to the term "slight of hand".

Jon, rocking on momentarily. Please stand by.

Jin, I'm glad Thing made you spin
deafened by the din
to your monitor's chagrin

Fakiegrind is fully insured with Roboshrub Securities Inc.
Simply forward your invoice for the replacement cost of your ruined monitor, and you will recieve a check withing 10-14 robot business days (approx 30012 human earth years).

Gyrobo said...

Finally, noncorporeal rap! This is the most important breakthrough since the invention of bread!

Sliced bread lost its metaphoric edge, once people realized it was just so obvious.

But bread itself is pretty amazing.

R2K said...

: )

Anonymous said...

i like ur DJ. like, i find him hot. Dig?

flatlander said...

Yeah, the Thing is hot. At the after show parties we often have to pry the ladies off of him.

He's just a hand, but he's got that magic touch!