Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Homes for Hobos

Alongside my position as head admin. for Fakiegrind Communication Industries, I am also the chair of the international, one-man non-profit organization Homes for Hobos. At HFH it is our mandate to find homes for those adorable, free-spirited wanderers one often sees down by the tracks, hopping trains or huddled around a flaming garbage can, playing lively songs on guitars made from old cigar boxes.

Example

Problem is, by some strange twist of genetics or upbringing, hobos seem to like their homeless lifestyle and rarely take well to domestication. Even HFH's revolutionary effort of 2002, where we constructed low-cost condominium-style housing units fashioned out of old freight cars stacked one on top of the other didn't go over very well, and the majority of our "Train-Hoppers Haven" housing units remain vacant to this day.

Example

So, I'm always pained when I come across old steel railway bridges being torn down, to be replaced by modern, ugly concrete counterparts. In the eyes of HFH, this is just one less natural environ for the modern hobo to call "temporary home".

Example

Someday, our governments will realize that hobos need homes too, and they will protect bridges like this, designating them "hobo preservation areas". Until that day, Homes for Hobos will continue doing what we do best--that is to say, nothing.

11 comments:

Gyrobo said...

"Save the Rain Dogs!" they'll cry, but by then it'll be too late. The hobos will have... migrated.

em said...

"The rum pours strong and thin.
Give my umbrella, to, the rain-dogs."

"'Cause yous a whisky headed woman,
now you stay drunk all the time.
If you don't stop the drinkin,
You are going to go stone blind."

Everything I know about our traveling friends I learned from music. Could there be a more soulfull source of information?

Bathroom Hippo said...


Cardboard boxes my friend.


With chimneys!

Gyrobo said...

Everything about life I learned inside a broken clock.

Bathroom Hippo said...


Upon further investigation it appears I have misread your post as "Homos for Hobos". I am terribly sorry for the inconvenience I may have caused.

mizfit said...

maybe free salsa or tango lessons wud help the Hobos adjust to a domesticated life. whatsay?

em said...

That's a great idea! Then they would be acclimatized to "Gypsy Kings" and be able to hang out at hip new-age coffee shops!

em said...

Then they could choose 2 new career paths; American Idol or Americas most Wanted.

Maybe both.

flatlander said...

America's Most Wanted Idol:

Gas?

Money?

Osama?

Gyrobo said...

Nay! A reanimation machine able to revive the founding fathers, so that they may battle on the fields of honor once more!

"Go, Washington! You can take Adams! He's a federalist!" they'll say.

And with good reason.

jin said...

I thought the current 'most wanted idol' was Paris Hilton (or is it Micheal Jackson)?

Ahhhh...I always get them mixed up?!!?