Tuesday, December 20, 2005


I'm enjoying thrashing the park in the afterlife. Once you get your mind around the fact that your body isn't really a body, but the dream of a body, the fear factor all but melts away and one is able to really bust it out. It turns out that the park is malleable--that is, if I think of a new trick combo, and I need some terrain to try it out on, nine times out of ten I can just will it into existence. But then, is "existence" really the word for this state of being?

It actually gets a little boring sometimes, once the initial thrill wears off. I mean, how many times can you do a triple-kickflip to 5-O grind, impossible out down a really LONG handrail without wondering if that's all there is? After a while, you really have to tax your imagination to come up with new stuff. And when you do, half the time one of the oldschoolers around here has already done it.

But then, memory is a different creature here. People remember things happening, but it's really hard to place when exactly they occurred--or if, perhaps, they have yet to occur. (I have a sneaking suspicion that time flows both ways now). I don't even remember when it was I arrived. Could be an eternity, or just yesterday for all I know. And it's not much like the vague ideas of heaven I had formed while alive, where I would meet famous dead people and have all sorts of interesting conversations. In fact, my only companion thus far has been Lloyd, the surfer-dude/skater who gave me my board when I first found the park.

And Lloyd has, well, he's got a kind of one or two track mind. Skateboarding and girls are the only topics that can really hold his attention, and even these don't hold it for long. But the girls here are really vapid. I mean, they just tend to sit around on the obstacles, looking pretty in their two-piece bathing suits, and saying stuff like, "Wow, that was cool" whenever you pass them or do a trick.

Frankly, I'm getting a little sick of this place. The skating is good, but there must be more to the afterlife than this. And I'm starting to get homesick, if that's the right word. I miss eating food, and the feeling of rain on your face. You can conjure up similar experiences here, but somehow they lack a certain something.

There's a blinding white-light "sun" that illuminates this entire place, and several times when doing a large ollie or air off one of the ramps I have felt a strange sort of pull from it, as if with just a little more effort I could leap into the sky and make some sort of contact with the light. But every time I start to do this, Lloyd pulls me back with this big sort of fishing rod thing that he has. He says, "Dude! How many times do I have to tell you not to go towards the sun! You'll be fried to a crisp and all of this will be over." He then makes a sweeping gesture with his arm, indicating the skatepark with its ornamental bikini girls scattered here and there.

But I'm getting better at skating the park, and I think that soon I'll be able to work a line that evades Lloyd and his grappling hook. Maybe I'll be incinerated, but at least it would be something different. I don' t know how much more of skate paradise I can take.


Mint Tea Mystic said...

Skate towards the light!!!

Michael said...

I heard a strange whisper this afternoon. I was thinking about how I have lost my creative thought and my desire to blog as of late; then I heard a faint whisper. “Mike, use the blog.”


Anonymous said...

What was that? Did I hear a voice coming through the Great Divide over the roar of skateboard wheels?! Sounded like my buddy Mike!

I so do miss blogging, and drinking coffee, and my cats. But I've worked out my perfect line. It's almost time to do a Mc Twist into the Great White Light....

Anonymous said...

I love the pictures of your kitty. I can't wait 'til they go up on Bhakti's blog!

^ ^

--Kitty Von Kitty
(Bhakti's cat)

Gyrobo said...

The revivification machine is almost functioning to within nominal levels.

Bhakti said...

Hi Flatlander!
Happy Holidays!!!

Peace out,

Bathroom Hippo said...

Did you guys....

happen to....

get that thing... I sent ya?

scrooge said...

Christmas sucks.

marcy_peanut said...

Hi. Could you please add me to your link list??

marcy_peanut said...

I'm telling you, Flatlandrover, you GOTTA link to my site! I love the Bionic Woman!!! (hint hint)

flatlander said...

Holy crow! Talk about relentless self-promotion! Ok, I'm putting up the link. Represent!

Hey, what are you lookin' at? Never seen a protoplasmic robot host-body before?

Bhakti said...

Yeah, I read that cat Marcy_Peanut's site. She's cool. And her writing is similar to mine. Go figure.

The Green Machine said...

You should check out this community radio show on skateboarding….
Skateboarders’ Paradise
with Aaron Eisenberg
First Sundays, 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM
You can get a live stream from LIVE365
Go to this URL to see Aaron with Zboys and Dogtown legend, Tony Alva.


Skateboarders’ Paradise offers skateboarding news, skateboard video reviews, skatepark information and updates, live interviews with community supporters, professional skateboarders and open phone lines.

If you’d like to E-Mail Aaron about his program, you can use this address; skate@kvmr.org

Bobby Eisenberg can be reached at www.tie-dye.com - coolstuf@comcast.net -
http://spaces.msn.com/members/bushisadope/ or http://hempisanherb.blogspot.com/