Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Desparate Measures

I don't know how much longer I can outflank the Endtime Adjuster, collaborating, as he is, with the Evil Bob Dole and the Temp Agency I've been working for lately. My only hope for survival seems to be winning lots and lots of money in the weekly lottery.

Tonight is the draw for the largest lotto jackpot in Canadian history: some 40 million dollars ($36.40 USD). I've been playing the lotto for about ten years, and have had very little luck. However, tonight I have a new strategy. Whereas up until this time I have been actively trying to win the jackpot, tonight I am actively trying not to win. I am confident that, due to some diabolical quantum-Zen logic loop, my desire not to win, will actually bring about the opposite effect. It only makes sense, doesn't it?

Please do not attempt to employ this technique yourself. Without years of Zen lotto training you would run the risk of permanent brain damage, and possibly destroy several acres of virgin boreal forest in the process. Also, I don't want to have to share the jackpot with any copy-cats.


Adjuster said...

You will never win, Flatlander! And I will soon track you down to claim your soul forever for the Frozen Lower Blogosphere....No, wait....I've got the wrong blog. I will sell you as a wage-slave to the Temp Agency where you will toil 18 hours a day and most weekends on the construction of my Endtime Escape Vessel, upon which you, my dear Flatlander, will most certainly NOT have a seat.

Do I sound petty? Who cares! This moment has been a long time in coming and I intent to milk my full enjoyment from it.

Idle Hands Personnel Services said...

Please report for work at the pasta factory tomorrow morning at 5 AM, sharp.

Gyrobo said...

After the election tomorrow, Evil Bob Dole will be eliminated from the Blogosphere- forever!