Friday, August 19, 2005

The Day After


Due to the lack of carnage, you might have already guessed that I fell asleep before the witching hour of midnight and failed to unleash the awesome power of Metallica's Justice. I had a strange dream, in which a skateboarding angel came to me and said that Justice, untempered by Mercy, was too potent a force for human consciousness to assimilate. She said I must take the unopened cassette to one of the three remaining Sam the Record Man locations and drop it in the Bottomless Bargain Bin of Remainder Tapes, where it will safely remain until the time of the Great Undulations is upon us.

I awoke much astounded by my vision, but was even more perplexed to find that the Metallica tape was missing. Thinking one of the cats must have knocked it off my desk, I searched high and low, but found only a single red paperclip...the calling card of my arch nemesis The Adjuster!

If the cassette has fallen into malevolent hands, I can only shudder to think what horrible days may be upon us as this genetic terrorist holds humanity hostage, twisting us according to his chaotic will. Be vigilant Fakiegrinders! We must regain this lost artifact before the unmentionable happens.


Rock-steady said...

I am free to be dispatched to any secret assignment that you may have for me.

I am curious if the stolen artifact is anyway tied to the ongoing investigation we have going against the underworld of spammers?

Lets hope that the artifact is not held for ransom or worse yet, uploaded to a share folder of Nabster.

Adjuster said...

Yes, Fakiegrinders, I have your precious tape. But I take exception to your characterization of me as a "genetic terrorist". I am only using the technology available to make the world more efficient, to yeild greater returns on the biological investments each of us make daily in our interactions with the environment; in short, to improve on the creation that the blind fumblings of Nature has brought about.

My will is anything but chaotic, and with the added powers your Metallica cassette will bestow upon me, there will be few forces in the human or natural world to stand in the way of my brilliant scheme for the transformation of life as we know it.

flatlander said...

As the comments on the preceding posting show, The Adjuster would indeed seem to be somehow in league with the spam underworld. Perhaps he is bankrolling their attempts to undermine the Fakiegrind comments page.

I can only guess that he might be heading to his mountain lair to plot how best to use the stolen cassette. Uploading it to Napster is one idea, but perhaps a bit to blatant for the poisoning the water supply or something. No, our foe likely has something much more subtle and insidious up the spandex sleeves of his supervillian costume. We are going to have keep our eyes wide open and proceed with extreme caution.