Friday, August 19, 2005
The Day After
Due to the lack of carnage, you might have already guessed that I fell asleep before the witching hour of midnight and failed to unleash the awesome power of Metallica's Justice. I had a strange dream, in which a skateboarding angel came to me and said that Justice, untempered by Mercy, was too potent a force for human consciousness to assimilate. She said I must take the unopened cassette to one of the three remaining Sam the Record Man locations and drop it in the Bottomless Bargain Bin of Remainder Tapes, where it will safely remain until the time of the Great Undulations is upon us.
I awoke much astounded by my vision, but was even more perplexed to find that the Metallica tape was missing. Thinking one of the cats must have knocked it off my desk, I searched high and low, but found only a single red paperclip...the calling card of my arch nemesis The Adjuster!
If the cassette has fallen into malevolent hands, I can only shudder to think what horrible days may be upon us as this genetic terrorist holds humanity hostage, twisting us according to his chaotic will. Be vigilant Fakiegrinders! We must regain this lost artifact before the unmentionable happens.