Lyrical, Unempirical

There are lots of catchy songs that I've heard a thousand times, but never known exactly what the lyrics are. For instance, the first line of REM's "What's the Frequency Kenneth" is purported to be:

What's the frequency Kenneth? Is your Benzedrine, Uh-huh?

But I always thought it was,

What's the frequency Kenneth? The shopping's a dream, Uh-huh.

My version seemed to make sense in a hip, ironic sort of way, and I still pretend that those are the true lyrics to the song. It's not like the authentic line makes any more sense (at least, not to me).

So here's my imaginary version of "Jumping Jack Flash" by the Stones (with help from D. Byrne):

I was born in a crossfire hurricane
in a house with the TV always on
But it's all right now, in fact it's a gas
yes it's all right--Grandmaster Flash
is so fast, fast, fast

In the town, it said street sweepers ahead
I fell down, and the skateboarders all fled
But it's all right now, in fact it's a gas
yes it's all right, cuz Grandmaster Flash
is so fast, fast, fast

I've been singing this song all day, feeling pretty cool biking around these Steeltown streets in the blazing heat, and pretending I have tattoos. Imagine a kissing contest in which McJagger and Billy Idol were the last two contestants left puckering. Who would win?