500 Hits!

Were Fakiegrind a kind of LSD rather than a skateblog, that would be doses enough to keep the most strung-out of hippies happy. I'm glad to say that we're not an hallucinogen--at least in the chemical sense--nor are we regulated by the FDC (but we do drink milk--and how!). What we are is an uncanny act of digital bricolage which aims to educate and amuse, irritate and abuse, rehabilitate and confuse the late night blog set, the bored surfing-the-net-at-work set, the stomach upset set, the stand-by jet set and the ancient Egyptian diety of the underworld (Set). While it might be true that about half of the visits to the site are actually myself sitting here and compulsively tapping the re-load button, that still leaves a good two-hundred fifty Unknown Souls dropping by to catch whiff of the digital digjeridoo in action. Did Jerry do what I think he just did? Sorry about that. Anyways, in keeping with the tradition of Dr. Phil, who on his recent 500th show had celebrities from across Southern Canada calling in to congratulate him, we've collected some quotes from prominent Fakiegrind personalities to mark the auspicious occasion:

"As official Pope of Fakiegrind I have found a new sense of purpose and clarity in my life. I've come to realize that my calling is not to write and sing unforgettable torch songs, but rather to act as a poster boy for some sort of lame slacker weblog. Thanks a lot Fakiegrind! You'll be hearing from my lawyers." -N.D.

"Being a disembodied Rogue Editing Spirit has its ups and downs. I was with James Joyce in Paris overseeing the progress of Finnegan's Wake, and I was with Leonard Cohen on the island of Hydra when he was literally holed up in a well writing Beautiful Losers, but perhaps one of my most rewarding assignments has been acting Rogue Editor for Fakiegrind. Nothing is more satisfying than writing snide comments in little brackets to undermine the sense of whatever inanities the Flatlander has just articulated (two can play at that game, artless cur! -FL). I hope Fakiegrind is around for a long time to come (what he means is, "stop reading immediately, so I can crawl back to the rotting dictionary I call home and brush up on my adjectives" -Prospero). Happy 500th hit!" -R.E.

"With the co-operation of Fakiegrind, national milk sales are up 23%. We're glad we could come to a mutually beneficial understanding, and that we didn't have to bring Flatlander in for a conversation with 'ol Bess." -J.L

"Fakiegrind is produced by a bunch of scammers. I bet that half of them don't even skate! I'm going to sue their ass for all the bogus quotations they've posted, including this one." -N.K.

"Posting an anonymous comment on Fakiegrind was the most thrilling thirty seconds of my existence." -anonymous

"I quit skating months ago, but writing as if I was still on it has given me the vicarious thrill of being a skateboard personality without all the bruised knees and sprained wrists that once plagued me. Thanks Fakiegrind!" -unspecified flatland aficionado


"I'm still waiting for my Fakiegrind 3-D Newsletter to arrive."
-Fakie Fan


YOUR MIXTURE OF CONSIDERED OPINION AND IRREVERENT HUMOUR IS BOTH PRETENTIOUS AND BANAL, BUT I LIKE THE PICTURES. CONGRATULATIONS FAKIEGRIND, I WILL SPARE THE PUNY HUMAN RACE ITS EXISTENCE FOR ANOTHER UNSPECIFIED AMOUNT OF TIME.

-GALACTICUS

Once I had a cat with your name.
It could wall ride, power slide and fakie with ease.
It wasn't until it attacked my turntable arm that it got the name "fakiegrind".

But now I think I remember that I never had a cat like that.
I see webs and dust billowing behind the fan of this computer.
Fivehundred is good because it's like fifty only bigger, but it's still easy to read.

What was I saying?

~em

Well, there you have it! A fine 500th hit send-off from the Friends of Fakiegrind. Thank You to everyone who has been reading, and Thank You especially to our team of Fakie Agents for all their input, inspiration and insanity. Hopefully we will still be around to push the counter up into the thousands. 'Til then remember to keep it rolling, keep it fakie, and keep it old.