Monday, June 26, 2006

A Message from Imperius Supreme Internet Commander Fluke

Greetings blog aficionados and curious thrill-seekers. I am Happy T. Fluke, de facto ruler and Overlord of the communication lines known as the internet. Please send all tributes, monetary gifts and used toner cartridges to Lord Happy, c/o Fakiegrind World Headquarters.

Rumours have been circulating that a certain bionic television celebrity from days of yore has been dispatched to infiltrate my Pleasure Dome, recapture the Vaults of Oldness, and oust the Fluke. I assure you that no such ploy has even the most remotestest chance of succeeding. Even if such an intruder could get past the electrified fence, the carnivorous Astroturf® and the robotic Hounds, they would not be able to resist drinking from the Moat of Forgetfulness with which I have recently encircled my suburban compound.

So never fear, denizens of the Blog-o-verse, I will continue to police the information highways with the iron fish (sic) you have come to expect, keeping the capricious causeways clear of spammers, scammers and retro rock glam, uh, ers.

Ok, looks like my public relations post generator is on the fritz.

In other news, the Fakiegrind Family Picnic was a great success, with everyone having a grand old time beneath the carcinogenic afternoon sun--except for the Gibson family, whose dog chased a frisbee onto the carnivorous astroturf.

Also, last night we discovered this robotic surveillance unit, disguised to appear as a common moth, in the Blog Command room.

A spy in the house of Fakie

It is, no doubt, an attempt by Blogland resistance guerillas to glean intelligence as to our next move. Never fear. This morning's jump in the price of Mozzarella cheese stocks will not deter our campaign to establish the world's first on-line pizza delivery service.

Just imagine: pizza delivered anywhere, anytime, at the click of a mouse! Oh, there will be imitators, to be sure. Just remember you heard it here first.

This is Happy T. Fluke, Internet Overlord and budding restauranteur, signing off.


Andrew said...

I can assure you, Mr. Fluke, that the advanced recon moth-bot is NOT one of mine!! Whoever sent this is a real pro.... Vigilance, Fluke!

jin said...

Where else can you get:
used toner-dry not wet

carnivorous Astroturf trap
de facto ruler-full of crap

capricious causeways clear of spam
robotic surveillance moths & man

on-line pizza delivery
for all of you & me, me, me!!!

(Um, can I get EXTRA olives?)

Valerie said...

This is the best yet!

Gyrobo said...

So you've found auto-drone X34. We've been scouring the compound for it ever since the incident with the shampoo.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

6 Million Dollar Man ruled! I used to have the action figure, but then his clothes ripped, so I had him running about in only his underpants that were molded for his crotchal region. I guess that's kind of unusual.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

I had the Six Million Dollar man action figure with the hole in the head to let kids look through to simulate the bionic vision. It was creepy and looked more like a JFK doll after Dallas.

Gyrobo said...

In case anyone was wondering, the robot voice on Roboshrub Inc. is only off by default. The yellow link at the top right will activate it on your computer when the page loads. I did it to please everyone.

Bathroom Hippo said...

"Sloths Rule"

was the last thing Dr. Flavour said to me...when...we were at Disneyland. Then Maskatron beat him up. SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN WHERE ARE YOU?

Happy T. Fluke said...

The 6 000 000 Man is a has-been. Bring him on! I'll photocopy his butt from here to Kansas!