Monday, June 05, 2006



Happy T. Fluke

Fakiegrind's new blog administrator!

Starting immediately Mr. Fluke, or "Hap" as he likes his friends to call him, will be taking the helm of Fakiegrind, steering the blog into new and uncharted waters of Fakie journalism. There were many worthy applicants for the position, but we found that Mr. Fluke just had something about him that we couldn't say no to. Also, his 25 years experience as a used photocopier salesman is just the kind of expertise and commitment we were looking for in a new webmaster.

Mr. Fluke showed up at Fakiegrind World Headquarters just today, and breezed through the I.Q., physical, drug and android detection tests. He also did an unforgettable softshoe number in the staff kitchenette which left several Agents around here in stitches for several consecutive minutes. But rather than going on at length, here's a few words from Mr. Fluke himself!

Hi. I can't tell you how thrilled I am to take charge of Fakiegrind. I've always wanted my own blog, and now that dream has become a reality. There are so many small observations I have gathered in my years on the road as a photocopier salesman, and I can hardly wait to share them all with you. Unfortunately, I've never been abducted by aliens--not that I can remember anyways! But I'm sure that we'll all get along just fine, and I'd like to start things off by relating a little incident that happened to me just the other day.

I was in the express line at the grocery store. Seems I remember a time when the sign said "1-8 Items", but these days--due to inflation, I guess--it's up to 16 items that you can bring through that check-out. At any rate, I had exactly fifteen items. I counted them, you see, before hand. But then, I had three avocados that I counted as one item, even though they were priced at .69 cents apiece.

So, when it came my turn, I asked the cashier, "Do you count these avocados as one items, or three?" She told me that they were actually three items, and I said, "Well, then, that puts me over the limit. I guess I should really move to the other line." To which the cashier replied, "Well, you're here already, might as well go through." Then she added, with a reassuring wink, "You'll know better for next time."

And that was that. I paid for my items, bagged them, and left. A lesser man, I conjecture, might have crumbled under the pressure in such a moment. But I kept my cool, even got a wink from the young cashier. That's just the kind of guy I am. People trust me, and that's what makes me such a great salesperson.

Well, how's that for a first post? Mr. Fluke, or should I say Hap, is just the man to take this blog into a bold new millennium. So fasten your seat belts people, we're in for quite a ride!


jin said...

*** jin stares with mouth agape in utter disbelief ***

"But he's a square!"

Anonymous said...

We'll wait and see there may be more to Hap than meets the eye.

Bathroom Hippo said...

I'm glad Fakiegrind will be governed with some sense of accountability. Perhaps I will vote for The Watcher in '08. But what concerns me is his running mate Mal-Adjuster. I just don't trust him. Not ever.

Gyrobo said...


No! Oh, no! No! My seat belt just-


mizfit said...

umm...i'm not so sure abt him. does he like banana split?

Happy T. Fluke said...

I LOVE banana splits! In fact, one of my first actions at Fakiegrind World Headquarters was to get these deilcious desserts into the cafeteria.

With a cherry on top!

mgc said...

ok welcome hap!