Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Endtime Survey


Seven out of ten quantum theorists said they believed the world was, indeed, ending; but that it was also beginning again, almost simultaneously, so as to make it nearly impossible to tell--especially if you happened to blink. Ending, beginning, ending, beginning, in an infinite dance resembling the stop-motion photographic processes involved in animated cartoons.

Three out of five street people surveyed said they believed that the world would end, but it was more a problem for their children to worry about. One person surveyed said the world had already ended, and that human history since the end of the second century A.D. has just been an obstinate phantasm.

The Flatlander has disappeared. He was last seen in northern Ontario, skating the park in his hometown and scrounging the basement vaults of Big John's Records for lost treasures. He has his cat with him. This is fortunate, for as the Flatlander is given to periodic bouts of extravagant daydreaming, his cat generally had four paws firmly planted on the ground.


Rick Anonymi said...

The endtime is indeed upon us. Evil Bob Dole says so!

In an unrelated matter, your loyalty to the Lord High Executioner of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere is no longer required. He has been dethroned, cast off into the nether reaches of the underBlogosphere.

Long live the malevolent Evil Bob Dole!

em said...

I think it's that we all live in our own worlds that over-lap each other. My world ended when I took that factory job (week and a half ago). Now I live in Hell much of the time.

It's just a minor Hell with little islands of heaven to sleep on.

It's probably Evil Bob Dole's fault somehow.

Dr. Flavour said...

I only got 2 hours sleep last night. It's 6:45pm and I'm still stuck at work in my cubicle. Forget the end of the world. When's this frikkin DAY going to end?

Michael said...

I was hoping that we could possibly reschedule the end of the world for sometimes say in 2009? There is a few things I need to get done first.

Adjuster said...

Factory life is hell

A blink of an eye takes four thousand years

"Even damnation is poisoned with rainbows"

Sometimes time just disappears

flatlander said...

Evil Bob Dole put me in the hole. So many things beyond control. Endtime flux, Matrix redux. No plans to end the world as such. Daylight comes, the same old sun, burning hotter, scorching crumbs of endtime rap. I'll make it back to drop a rhyme and bust the wax. Buying high and selling cheap. Make it through another week. Punch the clock and walk the walk. Let's hope that Flavour gets some sleep.

Gyrobo said...

How did all of you at Fakiegrind meet in the first place? Were you all friends in high school or something? Anyway, here's a fun site that you might like. It's delightfully irreverent.

Roboshrub Incorporated said...

Not to mention derightfally irrelevant. Yes, the Perry Bible Fellowship is perhaps the primary repository of all things good left in our age. Perhaps derightfally is a word. You'll have to check with Mr. Webster.

Sadly, I lack flatlander's rapping skills. However, I am certain that I can design an endtime polka. I have the lab experience, after all.

His Majesty said...

Evil Bob Dole loves the endtime polka. The endtime makes Evil Bob Dole want to be more evil!

Roboshrub Incorporated said...

If flatlander doesn't return soon, Gyrobo and I will find a way to stage a hostile takeover. Just until you guys start posting again. Then we'll settle down.

Don't think we can't do it. I knows some people with angry hacks or skills.

Fakiegrind, we miss you!

His Majesty said...

Evil Bob Dole says flatlander probably isn't posting lately 'cause he just quit his job, and needs to find a way to pay the bills.

Bwa ha ha! Evil Bob Dole loves bills- for they are evil!

Michael said...

What I want to know, is Evil Bob Dole planning to run for the United States Republican Party Presidential Nomination in 2006? Or if he were to run would he run as an Independent?

Could it be Hillary vs. Evil Dole in 2006?

Gyrobo said...

Michael, your profile says you live in the United States; yet you seem to be unaware that the next presidential election isn't until 2008, not 2006. A simple slip of the finger? Or perhaps you think the time-space continuum will destabilize and we will be warped two years into the future?

--==/ So sayeth the robot \==--

flatlander said...

Never has a Fakie posting recieved so many non-spam comments!

I am truly touched and saddened that postings have not been more forthcoming as of late. Rest assured, I will continue to post as the fates allow.

The story of how the team of Fakie Agents all met is a long one--too long to tell here. Suffice it to say, the aliens who abducted us were most congenial, but when we returned to civilization, no one believed our story. So we vowed to form a blog collective celebrating old school skateboarding and rap music.

Any regular reader wishing to join the collective can send us an e-mail address and we'll shoot out an invitaion, sooner or later. Unless you're the Evil Bob Dole, in which case, UZZGHUMPHAT....BZZZZZZERT. Transmission interupted (Al-#33278X)